A Special Message for Moms

Yesterday was Mother's Day, a day set aside to honor moms for all that they do. My family of five had a wonderful day together, beginning with a delicious, healthy breakfast prepared for me by my oldest, followed by church and some great quality time and dinner out. I can't tell you how many times the girls told me, "Happy Mother's Day" throughout the day. It was a beautiful, memorable day. I say all of this to tell you that not every Mother's Day has been this way. I remember when the girls were all younger that Mother's Day felt like Monster's Day - they seemed to turn into crazy little monsters who wanted to drive me insane more than anything else. They were not fun days, and I often looked forward to Monday just so their behavior would return to normal. 

Looking back on these days after a success like this year, I have to wonder what made those times different. I think it has to do with maturity. As toddlers, especially, children don't think past themselves and their immediate comfort. They're not interested in a day set aside for Mommy, especially if she gets presents and they don't. They don't want to go somewhere other than McDonald's or Taco Bell to eat; after all, they're most important, right? When they started preschool some of the attitudes started to change, probably because the preschool made a big deal of Mother's Day with a tea and gifts each year. The girls finally started to realize that it was a day to make Mommy feel special, not a day to torment her and make her regret becoming a mom! 

I think we're often this way with God. How often do we remember to thank him for all he's done in our lives? We make sure to blame him when things aren't going well, but we forget to give him credit when things go right. We have a day set aside for God every week, but do we take advantage of it to thank him for what we have and worship him at church? Too many of us choose not to; Sunday has become a yard work or sports day with God rarely even making our list. 

If we feel neglected when our children behave badly on Mother's Day, or even worse, forget us on Mother's Day, how do you think God feels when we forget him? He loves us as children, which all of us moms can understand. Why do we think we can hurt him any less than our children can hurt us? As we raise our children to respect us as their parents and treat us special on our days, we should raise them to treat God the same way, especially on his special day each week. 

Re-engage the brain (for a little bit longer!)

Has anyone noticed that their kids' brains have turned off since coming off Spring Break? Isn't it supposed to be a time to recharge the batteries before wading back into the school routine? The answer is yes, but Spring Break has the opposite effect in my home. 

The girls and I spent a fantastic 12 days in New Mexico with my parents over our break, which was so nice. We relaxed, the girls played, and we did tons of fun stuff. But now we're home slogging through the same-old routine and brains are disengaging. 

While the idea of a recharge is nice, I almost wish we could just skip it and get out of school a week earlier. The girls wouldn't get used to sleeping in and playing all the time, and I wouldn't have to be the warden every single morning, reminding them to brush teeth and comb hair (because we never do those things). 

My zeal for school work has also diminished and I have to force myself to care about what's coming home. Heaven help us if someone brings home a project! This is the time of year when Mom helps the kids find the shortest book in the library to write a book report on or homework is completed in the backseat on the way to ________ (fill in the blank). 

My kids are involved in one sport (all together!) that runs year round, so our sports routine is constant. But many kids pick up baseball, soccer, or lacrosse this time of year, and schedules get even crazier! I've known many moms who pack dinner into the car and eat on the way to one practice or another. 

So how do we re-engage our brains and get through the rest of the year, ladies? Here's what helps me - when I remember to do it! 
1.  Write it down - If you have something coming up write it down on the calendar. I keep a desk calendar hanging over my desk so I can see what's going on each week. This requires actually keeping up with it and adding things as you find out about them. This time of year it's hard to remember to get everything on there, but boy do I pay when I forget! 
2.  Say "no" if you need to - You can't do everything; sometimes you need to say no and let someone else pick up the baton and run. It's hard, I know, but you know when you're getting to your breaking point. The last thing you need in the middle of all the crazy end-of- school-year hustle is a breakdown!   
3. Pray! - It may seem oversimplified, but prayer can be the difference between a harried, crazy mom and a calm, centered mom. Yes, our schedules are busy right now, but the Lord knows what each one of us needs to get through all the craziness, and he's able to bless us and our families through it. When things start to feel overwhelming I make myself spend some time in prayer, then I start prioritizing my list. It's amazing how much clearer everything looks after I've taken that time to connect with the Creator. 
 

Combating the "If only's" and "Never enough's"

I just read a very interesting book for a freelance assignment. It's called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. She explores the United States' culture of "never enough," which I found fascinating. She hypothesizes that people in this country are suffering from a culture of scarcity, which is a culture "never enough." No one ever has enough of anything: never enough time, never enough sleep, never enough money, never enough power, and the list goes on forever. We just never have enough, period. 

The idea resonated with me because I catch myself trapped in the same cycle. I wake up tired and think "I didn't get enough sleep" instead of thanking the Lord for the sleep I was able to get. Many of my "never enough's" creep into my thinking as "if only's." I think to myself, "If only I made more money I could..." or "If our house was bigger I would..." Again, the list can go on forever, but the idea at the heart of it is the same. Nothing I have is enough. Why is that? 

I think if I look deeply it's because at times I lack faith and gratitude. When I forget that God provides me with everything I could possibly need, and then some, these feelings of not enough like to creep in. When I remember that he's the fount of every blessing, I don't struggle with these thoughts as much. 

Isn't it interesting what that loss of focus does to us? It's such a simple thing, too. We think it's harmless to dream about bigger houses or better cars, and it can be. But, when our heart is coming from a place of jealousy, envy, or discontent, those simple wishes become destructive. They can eat away at our peace of mind, cause dissension in our marriages, and make us short with our children.  

One passage helps me regain focus when my mind wanders into "never enough" and "if only" land. 
It's Matthew 6:31-34: "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

These verses have helped me through many a rough day, especially when I'm caught up in the "never enough" mentality. If we can simply remember that God provides all of our needs, we really don't need to worry so much about keeping up with others. He has never let me fall, and I have to trust that he is providing for my family's needs in all things.  

Taking Time as a Couple

This weekend my husband and I are going away for our anniversary. We just hit 14 years, which is very exciting, and quite the accomplishment in today's world. To my knowledge, we've never gone away to celebrate our anniversary before, so this trip is a bit of a milestone. We're both looking forward to having time to focus on each other, without distractions or responsibilities. With three active children, our relationship can sometimes take a back-burner to our busy lives, and we need a re-charge!

How often do you and your husband remember to celebrate your couple-ness? Over the years our date nights have been few and far between for the most part. When the girls were really young, we couldn't afford a babysitter, so nights out didn't happen much. As they got a bit older, and money became a little less of an issue, we still struggled to make dating a priority. It wasn't until my girlfriend and I devised a monthly babysitting swap that we actually started enjoying time set aside just for us every month.

I can't stress enough how important time alone with your spouse is. Last year during sequestration, our budget was pretty tight, so our date nights were spent at home. We'd drop the girls off for their sleepover (which they love), run to the grocery store for some goodies, come home and put jammies on, and pop a movie in. Our overall cost was low, but the time together was priceless! Other months we've gone out to a nice dinner and just spent hours talking. I can't tell you how special it is to remember all over again why I married this man!

So, maybe you don't have close friends or family around. Are you out of luck? Nope - there are so many options for couples today! Unfortunately, not all of them are free, but you may be able to find something that's fairly low cost and budget-friendly.
 
Look into some of these ideas:
1) Share childcare expenses - If you're looking to go out with another couple, hire one babysitter and share the cost.
2) Barter - Do you cut hair, tutor, or provide another service? You may be able to trade favors with a teen or other young person in return for babysitting service.
3) Utilize trustworthy teenagers - If you have a neighborhood teen or a young person from the youth group at church that you can trust, consider offering them a babysitting opportunity. They usually charge less than an adult. 
4) Join a babysitting co-op - Many churches or other groups will start babysitting co-ops. You'd drop your child at a specified location and provide their meal, and another couple would watch them. At some other point you would return the service. If several families are involved, the duty rotates month-to-month.

Even if your only option is the free childcare available at the mall or at IKEA, take advantage of some time to be alone with your hubby! You need time together that's not about changing diapers, feeding small people, or dealing with drama. Re-connect with the man you've chosen to spend your life with - not the daddy - and let him re-connect with you, the woman - not the mommy - he's picked!   

New Year, New Goals

It's New Years resolution time! Have you written yours down? I found a really interesting chart on http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/.
Take a look:

Statistic Verification

Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology

Research Date: 1.1.2014

Rank	Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014
1	Lose Weight
2	Getting Organized
3	Spend Less, Save More
4	Enjoy Life to the Fullest
5	Staying Fit and Healthy
6	Learn Something Exciting
7	Quit Smoking
8	Help Others in Their Dreams
9	Fall in Love
10	Spend More Time with Family

News Years Resolution Statistics	Data
Percent of Americans who usually make New Year’s Resolutions	45%
Percent of Americans who infrequently make New Year’s Resolutions	17%
Percent of Americans who absolutlely never make New Year’s Resolutions	38%
Percent of people who are successful in achieving their resolution	8%
Percent who have infrequent success	49%
Percent who never succeed and fail on their resolution each year	24%
People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions
Type of Resolutions (Percent above 100% because of multiple resolutions)	Data
Self Improvement or education related resolutions	47%
Weight related resolutions	38%
Money related resolutions	34%
Relationship related resolutions	31%
Age Success Rates	Data
Percent of people in their twenties who achieve their resolution each year	39%
Percent of people over 50 who achieve their resolution each year	14%
Length of Resolutions	Data
Resolution maintained through first week	75%
Past two weeks	71%
Past one month	64%
Past six months	46%

Aren't these interesting? What's also telling to me, though, is how long these resolutions last. Most people are done keeping their resolution within a week. Why is that? Why can't we make a goal and stick with it? Weight loss, especially, seems to be something we moms give up on pretty quickly. We're quick to give ourselves an out: the kids have to nap, they're too disruptive, I'm too tired, or any other excuse we can use.

I haven't set myself any resolutions this year, but I do have specific goals I'm working on in my life. I think it's important that we all set goals for ourselves, and then we actively pursue them. For instance, if you'd like to lose weight, and you make it your New Years resolution, pursue it! Don't just purchase a gym membership - find a gym buddy, use a trainer, find classes you enjoy. If you're working out at home, make it work for you. I stick with my regimen much better when I'm with other people, so I take an aerobics class twice a week, and I kickbox twice a week. It keeps me accountable, and I'm able to share my exercise enjoyment with friends.

One thing I think we Christians always resolve to do is read our Bibles more each year. This is one deal I make with myself every year, and I usually have pretty poor follow-through. This year, I'm doing a reading plan with Charles and other members at church who have taken the challenge. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to hold each other accountable for our spiritual exercise plan!

So, moms, I hope that if you've set resolutions for yourself, that you'll set out with a mind-set to succeed. Include a friend or your spouse in your resolutions so they can help you stay on track.
Whatever your goals are, remember the S.M.A.R.T. analogy:
S - Specific. Commit to exactly what you want to achieve. Know what you're working for.
M - Measureable. Don't set a goal to lose weight - set a number. "I want to lose 10 pounds." You'll be able to measure your success this way.
A - Attainable. Make sure your goal is reasonable. Don't set yourself up for failure. Losing 10 pounds in a few days isn't attainable, but losing 10 pounds in 1-2 months certainly is.
R - Relevant. Your goal needs to mean something to you. Don't jump on the weight loss bandwagon if you're not really interested in losing weight and getting healthy.
T - Time-bound. Give yourself a time-frame to work with. "I want to lose 10 pounds in 2 months" gives you something specific to work towards in a set time period. With an ending in sight, it's easier to stick with something.

Chaos Has Descended!

As much as I love holidays, the weeks leading up to them seem to get crazier every year! My calendar is full of conferences, doctors appointments, dental appointments, and seminars - on top of all the regular parts of my weeks - exercise, Bible study, music lessons, and Jiu-Jitsu. Somewhere in there I have to squeeze in time to work since the holidays really are coming, and we'd like to pay for whatever gifts are coming! I think I might really and truly lose my mind this year!

My goal right now is to find peace.  I know, that sounds kind of crazy, right? Did you see my calendar?? Peace is a far distant destination, if you look at everything on my plate. However, for my sanity (and my family's) I've got to find a way to carve out some peace in the midst of the chaos. I have some ideas I'm going to try, and I'll try to update you on my progress as I go along.

1. Stay focused: I have to stay focused on what's actually important.  Are there things I can let go of? Probably. I have a bad tendency to say "yes" and figure out how I'm going to do it later. I may have to miss a few events, or say no to a few people, but I have to stay focused on what's most important - my commitment to God and to my family. Everything else can wait!

2. Calm it down: I have a tendency to carry all my stress around, letting it compound and make me crazy until I start dropping things. Unfortunately, the things I end up dropping are usually bills, appointments, or school commitments - all things I REALLY need to remember! I have to calm everything down and make time for these things that just won't wait. Keeping a desk calendar front and center has really helped me a lot with this. As long as an event makes it to the calendar, I'm OK and I can plan for it. If I forget to put it on the calendar, it gets dicey!

3. Push Forward: I know that some days I'm not going to get much done on my list, but I can't let that stop me. Life has a bad habit of intruding just when I have everything planned out just right! When that happens, I have to remember to push forward and get through. The world isn't going to stop just because I'm overwhelmed!

4. Pray it out!: The final, and most important, part of the equation is prayer. I have to pray when things get to be too much. God will give me the peace I need to see my way out of the hole, but only if I ask for it. Sadly, I think that too often I rely on myself to get things done, when it's only through him that I'm going to truly succeed in life. He's promised to take our cares and burdens away if we give them to him - so why in the world don't I? His shoulders are much broader than mine, and much better suited to lifting heavy burdens.

The Little Things

This caught my attention today.  It mirrors what I've been trying to do with my girls recently.  I read something that said if you want your kids to come to you with the big things when they're older, you have to listen to the little things when they're small.  This really hit me - mostly because I find myself tuning out so many of the little things three girls are constantly throwing my way.  But, if I don't want to find myself on the outside looking in when they're bigger, I've got to get my act together and start listening.  

I've been putting the poem above into practice in my life.  When the girls come home from school, even though it's peak writing time, I stop what I'm doing so I can hear about their day and everything that happened.  Do my ears ring and my brain slightly implode?  Yes, but it's worth it.  In the midst of all the chatter, I'm learning about my girls and what's important to them. 

Emily will tell me what happened in different classes, Abby will have a report on recess, and Morgan will have a behavior report on her classmates.  It's amazing how much their personalities and individual struggles come through in what they say!  Abby won't have anything to say about classwork because she doesn't care about it, but she'll have a play-by-play of her interaction with friends on the playground, because that matters to her.  Emily will share a wide variety of things, mostly class related unless something happened with one of her friends and she needs venting time or advice.  Morgan will let me know who misbehaved in class, and what steps she took to remedy the problem. 

Look what I would miss out on by tuning them out every day!  By turning off my lips and opening my ears, I get to come inside their world for a little bit and see what it's like.  Is it easy?  No, I will honestly tell you that it's really hard, but it's so important!  I'm building a foundation today that will (hopefully) sustain our relationship through the teen years when I really need to know what's going on with them.  It also clues me in to trouble areas early.  If there's going to be drama with a friend, sometimes it can be headed off before it's a problem.  If someone's struggling with a subject in school, I can take measures here at home to help.  Sometimes my girls just need to know that I am present and I understand what they're going through right now.  They don't need a solution or remedy - they just need Mommy, a listening ear, and a giant hug.   

I encourage you to spend some time with each of your kids and their "little things."  You may need to go to a quiet place and lose your mind a little bit afterwards, but I promise you that you won't regret it!