Winning and Losing

Today’s question is this: when did it become a bad thing to win?  I read a friend’s Facebook post this afternoon and my mind started racing (sorry Eileen!).  A girls’ soccer team (girls around 8 years old) was forced by the referees to quit scoring goals so that the other team – the one they were beating – wouldn’t feel bad.  I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid I was on plenty of losing teams and was not scarred for life because we didn’t play as well as other teams.  I fear that we are doing our children a huge disservice when we don’t teach them how to lose. 

What does losing teach us? 

There are so many varied things that losing teaches us that you’re going to get a list of just a few today:

1.     Losing teaches us humility.  We all need to be humbled once in a while so our egos don’t expand to the size of an elephant.  When we lose a game (which I do a lot!) we learn that we are not the best at everything we set out to do.  This comes in very handy later in life when a business we start doesn’t work out or we lose a job.  If you understand beforehand that you’re fallible, then the blows aren’t quite so devastating.  It still stinks, and I have yet to meet someone who likes to lose, but those who learn to lose gracefully seem to roll with life’s punches a little better.

2.    Losing teaches us compassion.  When you’ve been on the losing team, or finished the race last you can empathize with others when they lose.  If you never lose, you don’t know how it feels and it doesn’t matter as much when someone else suffers loss.  In a very real way losing at easy things like sports or board games prepares you for dealing better with bigger losses down the road.

3.    Losing teaches us self-control.  Learning to be a “good” loser does wonders for your self-control.  How many times have you seen tantrums out on the field because someone’s team lost?  How many times have these tantrums involved the adults, not the kids?  Think about what this teaches the children – it’s OK to yell and scream when you don’t get your way because you are Number One all the time everywhere you go.  A little self-control in that situation works wonders.  No one’s going to be happy with a loss, but you can still emphasize the positive aspects of the game: maybe Charlie caught a ball or Johnny made a run – losing the game doesn’t take away from the accomplishments the kids made. 

I could go on and on all day about this topic, but I’ll spare you the pain!  To conclude, my point is this.  Winning and losing are important concepts for everyone to learn.  Kids have been learning about winning and losing for generations with good results – well-adjusted adults who can take the good with the bad in life.  When we take winning and losing away from our kids, we are severely handicapping them for life in the real world.