To Chore or Not to Chore?

Chores for kids seems to be a topic that garners many opinions on both sides of the argument. Are they character building or are they detrimental? Do they encourage responsibility or burn kids out? I'm writing this as I look at my girls' chore charts on the wall.  These are the second version since they have outgrown the chores we started with initially.  We have had success with the charts... when I make sure they follow through with them.  Each week each girl is expected to do certain things as a member of the family: pick up their toys, put their laundry away, get their dirty clothes to the hamper. Each girl also has items that she does each week that earn her a small allowance. Emily, being the oldest, has the opportunity to do some extra chores to earn extra money. Most weeks she earns that extra money while her sisters have to be pushed and prodded and often don't earn their allowance. That may seem harsh, but it's a learning experience for them. When Emily earns her allowance and has money to spend when we go shopping it gives the others pause - not enough to get their chores done, but I'm hoping it will eventually sink in. 

The girls' chore charts, laminated with Expo pen available for marking off chores

I did not think I would be a chore parent - I thought it was my "duty" to follow them around picking up messes and cleaning up their stuff. There's nothing like a couple back surgeries and continued problems to change a situation! I am not able to clean up after them like I used to, and Charles has pointed out that I shouldn't be doing it anyway. Who will follow them around when they're grown? Unless they figure out the formula for instant wealth, they are going to have to learn how to keep their spaces tidy. I also noticed that they didn't respect me for doing all this for them - instead it made them take me for granted. I wish I could tell you that this has all changed since they have started cleaning up their own messes, but unfortunately it's a slow process. We had many years of training one way, and now we have to spend the time training the other way until they "get" it. They are starting to learn, especially when they have something they want to do or somewhere they want to go - when the picking up is done they get to go play, and if they choose not to pick up they don't play. It's amazing how fast things get done when play is involved! 

A nurse in the hospital also helped me change my mind about chores. I was there for my second surgery and was chatting with my intake nurse. I mentioned to her that I felt bad that I would be down for so long recovering and would need the girls to help out more. She told me not to think that way. She shared a story about two young ladies she knew in her neighborhood. One had grown up with no chores and no responsibilities. She never had to work for anything. The other was in a serious car accident with her parents at 15. Both parents were injured badly and required care from her afterwards. So, at 15 she had to take on more responsibility at home and learn to do things on her own. There came a time that an older woman in the neighborhood needed some help and Girl #1 just couldn't be bothered while Girl #2 made time to help in whatever way she could. As adults, the trend continued, with Girl #2 growing into the kind of person who helped others and really took care of all around her and Girl #2 remaining someone who enjoyed being served. This story really hit home for me. I don't know about you, but I want to raise children who serve others happily and do good to those around them. If that means that I give them chores and let them take responsibility, that is what I will do!