Do you ever find yourself down in the dumps? What a silly question; we all have days that we just don't feel right. That's perfectly normal and expected, especially given the world we live in. It doesn't become an issue until we can't see our way out of the clouds. Have you ever found yourself floundering in that negativity? It stinks! I've been struggling with some of that lately and it's hard to fight! For those that don't know, I have been having trouble with my back... again. It's kind of a never ending saga at this point. After months of discomfort and worsening pain I got myself in, had the imaging done and found out that my bad disc has re-herniated and that another one has herniated right above it. So we're very much back to square one. To top it all off everything is super-inflamed and angry, which causes more pain and crazy problems. Not the best news to be sure, but none of it unexpected. I knew something was wrong, just not the extent. Anyway, here lately I have found it hard to look at any of this in a positive light - I'm exhausted, angry, and irritable - which makes for an unpleasant Amanda.
I'm usually better at working myself out of these moods, but I think I just gave into it this time and have allowed myself to wallow. Needless to say, I have recognized the problem and am actively trying to remedy it. I usually make a deal with myself when I get bad news - I get one day to wallow, then I hitch up the 'ole boot straps and start dealing with it the next day. I skipped that step this time and now I'm paying the price. It's not fair to anyone around me, especially my family. I've been trying to think about what I need to do to pull myself out of this funk.
Yesterday I took the first step: I picked up a mess. I didn't take any steps backward in my "child training" with the girls, but I took my space back. As usual they have made their mark in my area and I decided to take it back yesterday. I went through the living room and collected a trash pile, a pile of the girls' things (yes, it was the biggest), and the three items that belonged to me that were out of place (no exaggeration on that). It felt so good and put a smile on my face! Now I can sit at my computer or on the couch and enjoy "my" room again. Isn't it amazing how a neat space is so calming and puts you at ease? When Abby and Morgan got home they got to help me clean up the messes they have made in the entryway. I won't lie and say we enjoyed it, but I am sure enjoying the results of it! Now when the front door opens you see a nice, neat entryway opening onto the family room. Much better! It never ceases to amaze me how an organized space can lift the spirits.
Today I'm continuing my journey. I'm getting to work. I'm going to sit here at the computer - with the requisite trips up to save the back - and work on my Bible studies. God can't take a backseat to me anymore. I've neglected Him and His work for me long enough and it's time to get back to it. Just saying that I already feel more positive and hopeful. Why do I let myself forget that He is all I need to pull myself out of any funk? If I fill myself up with Him and His word there's no room for my depressed, unhappy thoughts! Maybe next time I'll remember to let Him provide the sunshine...
Friday, March 15, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Why Am I So Overwhelmed?
I don't know about you, but I am feeling really overwhelmed right now. It seems like I can't get a handle on all of the school stuff going on, and any other things on top of that just make it worse! I don't know where I would be right now if the girls were doing sports this year. We've got two different school projects going on right now, Maryland State Assessments start tomorrow (for the same two girls that have projects due), we have to keep practicing math facts and reading AR books, and on and on and on. It's just too much! I find myself checking the calendar more than the girls do to see when Spring Break starts so I can have a break. This has led me to wonder where I'm making a misstep with the school stuff and how I can correct it.
Not hovering enough? Emily has taken me by surprise more than once because she "forgets" to tell me about a project she has until the due date is fast approaching. I get so frustrated and fuss at her, but she keeps doing it! So, am I not riding her enough? She is almost 11 years old and starts middle school in the fall, so we've been trying to give her more responsibility in regards to her school work. I have been asking her what homework she has to do each day and leaving it to her to actually tell me what it is. Lately I've been sitting down with her and her binder so we can go over assignments together. I would like to be able to just ask her and have her tell me what she has to do, but that has backfired on us too many times here lately. My hope is that eventually she'll take more and more responsibility for her work as time goes on.
Not regimenting time enough? Charles and I are big believers in play time for the girls and try to give them as much time as possible each day to do that. However, this does cut into the time available for extra skills practice or reading. So, where's the balance? How do I fit it all in? This is a struggle I've had since the girls started school many moons ago. The last thing they need is schoolwork from dawn to dusk, but sometimes it feels like that's what we have to do to fit it all in! We've started trying to get them into bed a bit earlier in the evening so they all have reading time before bed. It's working pretty well most nights and definitely helps them get through books a bit faster. I've also started fitting math practice in when they don't have homework so they keep their brains sharp. I've also put a few math games on the tablet so they can "play" and learn at the same time!
Worrying too much? I think that sometimes I worry a bit too much about the grades. I was always a perfectionist about my grades - anything less than a B on an assignment was something to cry about and heaven help me if it had happened on a report card! Unfortunately my girls don't have that same problem. They often can't be bothered to turn in an assignment if they're not reminded several times to do so. It drives me crazy! Their Daddy was just like that as a child and it drove his parents batty, too. I am learning, though, to let go of the grades just a little bit. If they work hard (and turn the work in!) I will be satisfied with the grade they receive. I sure do wish I could infuse a little more perfectionism in them, though, and I don't think that's ever going to change!
Not hovering enough? Emily has taken me by surprise more than once because she "forgets" to tell me about a project she has until the due date is fast approaching. I get so frustrated and fuss at her, but she keeps doing it! So, am I not riding her enough? She is almost 11 years old and starts middle school in the fall, so we've been trying to give her more responsibility in regards to her school work. I have been asking her what homework she has to do each day and leaving it to her to actually tell me what it is. Lately I've been sitting down with her and her binder so we can go over assignments together. I would like to be able to just ask her and have her tell me what she has to do, but that has backfired on us too many times here lately. My hope is that eventually she'll take more and more responsibility for her work as time goes on.
Not regimenting time enough? Charles and I are big believers in play time for the girls and try to give them as much time as possible each day to do that. However, this does cut into the time available for extra skills practice or reading. So, where's the balance? How do I fit it all in? This is a struggle I've had since the girls started school many moons ago. The last thing they need is schoolwork from dawn to dusk, but sometimes it feels like that's what we have to do to fit it all in! We've started trying to get them into bed a bit earlier in the evening so they all have reading time before bed. It's working pretty well most nights and definitely helps them get through books a bit faster. I've also started fitting math practice in when they don't have homework so they keep their brains sharp. I've also put a few math games on the tablet so they can "play" and learn at the same time!
Worrying too much? I think that sometimes I worry a bit too much about the grades. I was always a perfectionist about my grades - anything less than a B on an assignment was something to cry about and heaven help me if it had happened on a report card! Unfortunately my girls don't have that same problem. They often can't be bothered to turn in an assignment if they're not reminded several times to do so. It drives me crazy! Their Daddy was just like that as a child and it drove his parents batty, too. I am learning, though, to let go of the grades just a little bit. If they work hard (and turn the work in!) I will be satisfied with the grade they receive. I sure do wish I could infuse a little more perfectionism in them, though, and I don't think that's ever going to change!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Why am I raising such slobs?
I noticed in recent postings that I have gotten away from my blog's purpose, so I thought I would try to get back on track today. The question that is forefront in my mind right now is: Why am I raising such slobs? Last month I went through and did a deep cleaning of my house - something I try to do at least once each year. I missed last year due to surgery, so this year was a catch-up. The one thing that I noticed was how sloppy my girls (especially the younger two) really are. They can't find their towel hook in the bathroom to save their lives and apparently the nice big laundry hamper in their room is much harder to use than the floor. If you ever want to know what they've done in a day you only have to look at my house and follow their trails! It has gotten out of hand and Charles and I have decided it's finally time to deal with it. How? With lots of consistency and perseverance on my part. Yuck! One of my least favorite things is following the girls all over making sure they do what they're supposed to be doing. There are so many other things I would rather be doing! But, if I want them to change their bad habits I have to be consistent. After all, they didn't train themselves to be slobs - I did it by cleaning up after them every time they made a mess for the last 9 years!
Some of the things we're having success with are:
* Chore charts: Each of the girls is responsible for a certain number of chores each week. Some of these are items they receive an allowance for doing (things that help me out) and others are expected for them to do as part of the family (picking up their rooms, putting toys away, etc.). I have the charts hung out in plain sight so we see them every day and check their progress. Since the girls, at 10, 8, and 7, have different abilities they have different jobs. Emily is expected to empty the dishwasher and clean the cat boxes, both easy things for her to complete. Abby is "the vacuumer." She has one room each day that she is responsible for which is easy to keep up with. She is also in charge of feeding and watering the kitties, which she loves, so there's a little bit of fun there for her! Morgan is expected to vacuum the kitchen twice and run the Swiffer once in a week, as well as keeping the art supplies neat since she uses them the most. No one is asked to shoulder too much of the burden and I get the added benefit of having help with tasks that are painful for me to physically do.
* Regular "check-ups:" I am learning that when I send the girls up to clean their rooms I can't take their word that they actually did what they were asked. They like to clean the middle of the room by throwing stuff in the closet, under the bed, or in a container of some sort. So I have been coming in and pointing out the deficiencies and making them keep at it until everything is in its place. This keeps the room from getting out of hand. We're doing the same with the art area and play area downstairs. They get a chance to clean up then I come check and usually end up making them do part of it the right way.
* Be Specific: We are learning to verbalize our expectations to the girls. If I want the books cleaned up I need to tell them "Go put your books away" or "Put your dirty clothes in the hamper." I can't tell Abby and Morgan "Pick up your room" without qualification. It's overwhelming for them, especially when their room is messy. Giving them small, easily achieved goals helps keep them on track.
* Be Consistent and Persevere!: The most important step to "un-slobbing" our children is consistency and perseverance on our part. We have to remind them of their chores, we have to make sure their messes get picked up, we have to check the towels and dirty clothes, etc. If we take one day off they will break the good habit and go back to their old sloppy ways. Charles has reminded me more than once that they didn't get this way overnight and the fix isn't going to happen overnight either. It's good to remember - especially on those days that there are Abby and Morgan trails running through the house. It's a marathon, not a sprint! I am confident that one day we will look back and fondly remember their little cleaning foibles... one day far in the future!
Some of the things we're having success with are:
* Chore charts: Each of the girls is responsible for a certain number of chores each week. Some of these are items they receive an allowance for doing (things that help me out) and others are expected for them to do as part of the family (picking up their rooms, putting toys away, etc.). I have the charts hung out in plain sight so we see them every day and check their progress. Since the girls, at 10, 8, and 7, have different abilities they have different jobs. Emily is expected to empty the dishwasher and clean the cat boxes, both easy things for her to complete. Abby is "the vacuumer." She has one room each day that she is responsible for which is easy to keep up with. She is also in charge of feeding and watering the kitties, which she loves, so there's a little bit of fun there for her! Morgan is expected to vacuum the kitchen twice and run the Swiffer once in a week, as well as keeping the art supplies neat since she uses them the most. No one is asked to shoulder too much of the burden and I get the added benefit of having help with tasks that are painful for me to physically do.
* Regular "check-ups:" I am learning that when I send the girls up to clean their rooms I can't take their word that they actually did what they were asked. They like to clean the middle of the room by throwing stuff in the closet, under the bed, or in a container of some sort. So I have been coming in and pointing out the deficiencies and making them keep at it until everything is in its place. This keeps the room from getting out of hand. We're doing the same with the art area and play area downstairs. They get a chance to clean up then I come check and usually end up making them do part of it the right way.
* Be Specific: We are learning to verbalize our expectations to the girls. If I want the books cleaned up I need to tell them "Go put your books away" or "Put your dirty clothes in the hamper." I can't tell Abby and Morgan "Pick up your room" without qualification. It's overwhelming for them, especially when their room is messy. Giving them small, easily achieved goals helps keep them on track.
* Be Consistent and Persevere!: The most important step to "un-slobbing" our children is consistency and perseverance on our part. We have to remind them of their chores, we have to make sure their messes get picked up, we have to check the towels and dirty clothes, etc. If we take one day off they will break the good habit and go back to their old sloppy ways. Charles has reminded me more than once that they didn't get this way overnight and the fix isn't going to happen overnight either. It's good to remember - especially on those days that there are Abby and Morgan trails running through the house. It's a marathon, not a sprint! I am confident that one day we will look back and fondly remember their little cleaning foibles... one day far in the future!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love is...
Love is...
- A nice hot cup of coffee every morning when I wake up, fixed by the man who still makes my heart smile.
- An evening of fun with my girls and hubby: anything from pizza and a movie to games or a night out together.
- Baking with Emily... or enjoying what she bakes on her own!
- Talking with Abby... more accurately listening to Abby while she's talking to me!
- Coloring with Morgan.
- Family in all its forms and functions.
- Time with my besties doing just about anything. We have found we can make the simplest things fun!
- Digging into God's word with my Bible study group - sharing His message and in turn being taught so much.
- Writing.
- Cuddles from children.
- Listening and sharing dreams with my one and only.
- Opening the Bible and discovering God's love for me on every page.
- Realizing that Jesus' sacrifice was the largest outpouring of love, mercy, and grace this world has ever seen.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Catching Monkeys
I heard a very neat story at church yesterday in a sermon titled "What Christians Can Learn from Monkeys." Yes, monkeys. You might be surprised at the comparison, but I assure you it's a good one.
The story goes:
I think we really like playing tug-of-war with God. How many times do you give Him a burden just to reach out and snatch it back minutes later? What do you gain from holding on to it? Nothing - in fact, you set yourself up to be trapped by the "hunter" every time you snatch a burden back from God. I am convinced that Satan uses any little morsel he can get to entice you into his trap. When we struggle with giving God control we open ourselves up to Satan and he's waiting with his net to catch us and keep us snared forever.
Fortunately for us, God has given us everything we need to avoid the trap. Throughout the Bible are verses that tell us what He has in store for us if we will just trust in Him. I will share some of my favorites with you and I challenge you to find some favorites of your own to use when you feel the trap closing in.
Matthew 6:31-33
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I remember when I first realized what this passage was talking about. As a champion worrier I was stunned and comforted at the same time. I don't have to worry - it's a choice I make. I continue to work on giving God my worry and letting tomorrow worry about itself.
Luke 12:22-34
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
This is Luke's version of the same parable shared in Matthew. Jesus is quite clear about what He wants from us. He wants us to let Him do the worrying for us so that we can be about His business here on Earth.
I hope to someday outsmart the hunter and get my hand out of the jar. As I mature in my Christian walk I am able to leave more and more behind, but there's always something in that jar that I just can't resist holding on to. I am determined that those things, too, will soon be left in the jar and Satan will have to stand back and let me go.
The story goes:
There’s an oft repeated tale about how certain hunters in Africa catch monkeys. It can be very difficult to corral these intelligent creatures, so hunters have used a more inventive method…trapping a monkey by enticing him. A small jar is placed at the base of a tree with nuts or other items which may attract the monkey’s curiosity.
The opening of the jar allows the monkey to place his hand in, but when he tries to withdraw it, he is unable to do so without letting go of the contents of the jar. Believe it or not, some monkeys will stay there with their hand in the jar until the hunter comes back to trap them! They are trapped because they are unwilling to let go of something they are doing which is working against them.
There was obviously more to the sermon than this story, but I was intrigued by the idea behind this little tale. It made me wonder how often I am like the monkey, unwilling to let go of the juicy tidbits in that jar and trapped in a bad situation because of it. Why are we so resistant and stubborn? Intellectually I know that God will take my burdens from me and handle them better than I ever could. Emotionally it's a lot harder to give him those things. If I "let go and let God" what will I control? How will I determine the outcome I need if it's not in my hands anymore? I think we really like playing tug-of-war with God. How many times do you give Him a burden just to reach out and snatch it back minutes later? What do you gain from holding on to it? Nothing - in fact, you set yourself up to be trapped by the "hunter" every time you snatch a burden back from God. I am convinced that Satan uses any little morsel he can get to entice you into his trap. When we struggle with giving God control we open ourselves up to Satan and he's waiting with his net to catch us and keep us snared forever.
Fortunately for us, God has given us everything we need to avoid the trap. Throughout the Bible are verses that tell us what He has in store for us if we will just trust in Him. I will share some of my favorites with you and I challenge you to find some favorites of your own to use when you feel the trap closing in.
Matthew 6:31-33
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I remember when I first realized what this passage was talking about. As a champion worrier I was stunned and comforted at the same time. I don't have to worry - it's a choice I make. I continue to work on giving God my worry and letting tomorrow worry about itself.
Luke 12:22-34
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
This is Luke's version of the same parable shared in Matthew. Jesus is quite clear about what He wants from us. He wants us to let Him do the worrying for us so that we can be about His business here on Earth.
I hope to someday outsmart the hunter and get my hand out of the jar. As I mature in my Christian walk I am able to leave more and more behind, but there's always something in that jar that I just can't resist holding on to. I am determined that those things, too, will soon be left in the jar and Satan will have to stand back and let me go.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
A Celebration of Marriage
Today Charles and I celebrate 13 years of marriage. Wow! According to several online sites, the average marriage that ends in divorce in the US lasts 8 years. That's pretty sobering, isn't it? When Charles and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary we had three young children, had recently moved into our home, and were experiencing some rough financial times. We were on a very strict budget, and I don't think we went anywhere to celebrate. Each year since has brought something different - sometimes better, sometimes worse. Last year I was just 9 days out of back surgery, so we postponed any celebration until I was mobile. But whether we do it up big or just spend some special time together, I am a big believer in acknowledging the importance of every anniversary.
Marriage is not a popular topic in our society. Don't get me wrong - we LOVE weddings and romance, and we love to be in love, but marriage is not nearly as cool. Marriage requires sacrifice and unselfishness; it's taking a spouse to the hospital when they're sick, holding them when they cry, and letting them vent when they really need it. It's bills and paychecks and more bills. It's raising children and pets and learning to make time for yourselves as a couple when you're pulled in about 500 different directions every week. That's marriage - is it any wonder so many people give up when it gets hard?
What's the benefit to working your way through all the hard stuff? You end up with a lifelong companion, a person who is so close to you they see you down to your soul. Yes, that means the ugly parts too, but they don't care! I can be myself with Charles, warts and all, and I can trust him to hold me accountable when those warts start showing through! Conversely, I can also hold him accountable when his less desirable traits make a showing.
I can honestly say that marriage is not what I expected it to be 13 years later, but it's better than what I ever envisioned for myself. Our marriage isn't perfect, and it wouldn't work for anyone else, but it works for us. Why? I think because we made a decision long ago to put God in charge of our relationship. Our home is built on a firm foundation of Jesus Christ and He influences every decision we make. Times we don't see eye to eye there's often a disconnect somewhere between us and God. We aren't perfect, and our marriage isn't perfect, but it's blessed by God and He holds us in the palm of His hand. That's comforting to me, and makes me firmly believe that I will be writing on my marriage in another 13 years, and 13 years after that!
Marriage is not a popular topic in our society. Don't get me wrong - we LOVE weddings and romance, and we love to be in love, but marriage is not nearly as cool. Marriage requires sacrifice and unselfishness; it's taking a spouse to the hospital when they're sick, holding them when they cry, and letting them vent when they really need it. It's bills and paychecks and more bills. It's raising children and pets and learning to make time for yourselves as a couple when you're pulled in about 500 different directions every week. That's marriage - is it any wonder so many people give up when it gets hard?
What's the benefit to working your way through all the hard stuff? You end up with a lifelong companion, a person who is so close to you they see you down to your soul. Yes, that means the ugly parts too, but they don't care! I can be myself with Charles, warts and all, and I can trust him to hold me accountable when those warts start showing through! Conversely, I can also hold him accountable when his less desirable traits make a showing.
I can honestly say that marriage is not what I expected it to be 13 years later, but it's better than what I ever envisioned for myself. Our marriage isn't perfect, and it wouldn't work for anyone else, but it works for us. Why? I think because we made a decision long ago to put God in charge of our relationship. Our home is built on a firm foundation of Jesus Christ and He influences every decision we make. Times we don't see eye to eye there's often a disconnect somewhere between us and God. We aren't perfect, and our marriage isn't perfect, but it's blessed by God and He holds us in the palm of His hand. That's comforting to me, and makes me firmly believe that I will be writing on my marriage in another 13 years, and 13 years after that!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Merry Christmas!
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your families and friends this year. Whether you're travelling or staying home, enjoy your time off! I will be back with you after the new year with all kinds of new and exciting writing!
I'm hoping to get to spend some time on the cruise ship writing, and I plan on having plenty of time to let things "cook" in my head!
God Bless you and yours!
I'm hoping to get to spend some time on the cruise ship writing, and I plan on having plenty of time to let things "cook" in my head!
God Bless you and yours!
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